I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
