this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
