so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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