Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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