is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
