How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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