so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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