I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
