So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
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Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
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He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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