hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
