God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize