Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
