just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
