They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
