Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
