I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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