I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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