Welp...herpes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
