Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
