I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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