come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
