the condom got lost in my hair
Michael Bay diarrhea
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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