Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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