Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
