I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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