She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
