Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
