in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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