I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
FUCK WHALES
I am mentally ready for anal.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
