i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
