I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I didn't notice because vodka
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
