do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize