Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
