I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
