glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
