my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
