last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
