The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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