I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
