Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
