You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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