Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
