I can text with my tongue
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
