Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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