I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
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I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
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come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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