can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
