I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i am craving dick and cupcakes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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