Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize