discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Alive.
So much puke
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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