in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Randomize
