Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
