I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Welp...herpes.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
