i just had sex bonerless
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
