So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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