Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
