i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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