Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
