The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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