It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
