i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
