i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
