Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
