Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
