Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the day after is always just damage control
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
