Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
