I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
