so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
